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"Fings Ain't What They Used T' Be"

"Fings Ain't Wot They Used T'Be" is a play with music; a play, written by Frank Norman, himself a Cockney. Lionel Bart, who also grew up on London's East End wrote the music and lyrics. It was first produced by Joan Littlewood, in the Theatre Royal Stratford East at the Theatre Workshop. It opened at the Garrick Theatre in London's West End, on 11 February 1960. It ran for about two years.

Much of the rhyming slang translations were supplied in the programme.

The characters in the play were a selection of the low-life of London; a collection of gamblers, spivs, prostitutes, Teddy boys & girls and some not-too-honest police. The lead actors/singers were Toni Palmer, James Booth, Maurice Kaufmann, Wallas Eaton, Miriam Karlin, Bryan Pringle, Tom Chatto, James Dark, Glen Edwards, Paddy Joyce, Yootha Joyce & Barbara Windsor singing six of the show's songs.
The title song, "Fings ain't wot they used t'be", was recorded by Max Bygraves.

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"Fings Ain't What They Used T' Be"
Sung By Max Bygraves.
Decca Records 1960

Starts off with backing singers (male) singing:
Hey do use a favour

They changed our local Palais into a bowling alley and
Things ain't what they used to be (chorus)

There's Teds in drainpipe trousers and Debs in coffee houses and
Things ain't what they used to be (chorus)

There used to be Trams not very quick
Gotcha from place to place

But now there's just jams half a mile thick
I'm walking

They stuck parking meters outside our doors to greet us
Things ain't what they used to be (chorus)

Corr monkeys flying round the moon
We'll be up there with em soon
Things ain't what they used to be (chorus)

Once our beer was frothy but now its frothy coffee well
Things ain't what they used to be (chorus)

It used to be fun Dad an old Mum paddling down old Southend
But now it ain't done
Never mind chum
Paris is now where we spend our outings

Grandma used to try an shock us all
Doing a knees up the Parker Noll
Things ain't what they used to be (chorus)

We used to have stars
Singers who sung
A Dixie melody

There buying Guitars plinkty plonk
Backing their selves with three chords only

Ones we'd dance from 12 to 3
I've got news for Elvis P

Things ain't what they used taa
There's a lot we used taa
Things ain't what they used taa beeeee

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BIG THANKS TO JOHN FOR THIS INFORMATION

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